Friday, October 17, 2008

Weak,Beaten,Bruised & Scarred...

Like a new born child, weak, helpless, defensless but with a distorted image....body bruised and scarred beyond recognition.

The hurt caused by somebody you love and should trust...devastating.

The realisation that your upbringing has been based on lies...

The perception of family members has been a lie...he actually isn't that bad, he was looking out 4 me but maybe didn't do it in the right manner...

The information been given by someone unexpected, that has never been spoken of...soul destroying...

The fact that the wrong person has been blamed all this time...hurts

The deciet, lies, anger and revenge that have controlled your life...that you have suffered under...that you have had to make sacrifices for 2 try survive....all a waste cos you didn't actually have to if she had just taken responsibility...

The burden you carry for the sake of others...is to heavy and has crushed you

We live in a fallen world...and I don't want to be a part of it anymore

Monday, October 13, 2008

Exams...let the stress pile on!

Well punks and punkettes its that time of year again...the dreaded E word...yes EXAMS!!! I have already written 1 and have 6 left....didn't go 2 badly cept the essay topics were rather rubbish and challenging.

I don't know bout you guys but I get stressed SO easily and sometimes even get panic attacks...its really bad but then when I get to the exam and start writting...i feel so dumb 4 stressing and worrying cos 9/10 it turns out alright...well managable!

So...all the best to those of us who are writting exams, I pray that God will clam your nerves and give you a clear head and understanding.

God bless xxx

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Exciting Possibilities...

Hi punks....wow its been quite a while since I last blogged,just shows how crazy life has been. Haven't touched base with so many of my friends and family so I thought I'd share my potentially exciting news about my future...well at least next year. I have decided to apply for the childrens' pastor at our church (Wesley Methodist). I'm so excited about it...the new challenges it would entail, being around kids and watching them grow with Christ, I can't help but be excited and enthusiastic about the growth within the community.

It's so amazing how God works, it truely is. I was thinking that next year is going to be the worst and hardest year ever as my best friends are going overseas and i'm going to miss them SO MUCH. I was feeling very glum and down about what my life was going to be like next year. But every sunday when I went to church and read the notices, the advert for a Children's pastor kept staring at me, I ignored it despite people telling me to go for it...why would I, im stil a kid myself (not 4 2 much longer though). But the notices kept coming up and nobody was clearly applying. So I had a bit of a thinking session...ja take cover-a blonde thinking...some serious combustion happening lol! I want to eventually become an educational psychologist, which would ultimately lead me to work with kids...and then bingo I hit the jackpot. Maybe God was letting me see those recurring adverts for a reason, and maybe I should investigate it a bit more. I have been praying about it for a while now and will hopefully receive the info today and then make a final decision of whether I stand a chance or not and whether this is what God wants for me.

So hold thumbs and pray like crazy that things turn out the way they meant to be....

Over and Out xxx

Friday, September 19, 2008

Jealousy...Green Eyed Monster

Why are we such jealous beings? Jealosuy if not recognised can consume your entire being....corrupting who you are with self doubt and can corrupt your most valuable relationships until you have none left. It is in our nature to feel jealous or envy somebody who is successful and seems to have everything...espcially when they make it seem so easy, like it didn't take much effort for them and here we struggle and strive for the same thing but are constantly facing obstacles and tasks set in place for us to grow...I bet if you asked those people how happy they were or how they have grown spritually through there success...the answer would be..."I never thought about that"

Jealousy is not a nice emotion to feel...well at least I hate it. it causes such unnecessary hurt and conflict just becasue you start doubting the strenght of your relationships and what they mean to the other people. But God knows that we are jealous...so is he. He gets jealous when wepay more attention to earthly things instead of him...he wants us to focus on him and give him our undivided attention.

So be encouraged that if you are with Him and in Him you will still be faced with times where jealosy may arise, but you will always have God on your side to guide you and equip you with the necessary knowledge and strength to fight it off.

Jealousy injures us with the dagger of self-doubt. ~Leslie Grimutter

He that is not jealous is not in love. ~St. Augustine

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Letting Go...

Wow, this is a tough one. I battle with this a lot. Have you ever been hurt by a freindship or have got so much baggage that you look like an old lady hunched over?? Well I have, the kind of hurt that doesn't just go away over night, the kind of hurt that makes you feel worthless and not worth a breath. The famous question of why came to mind to. Well one night I had had enough so I started praying, asking God for his guidence, his strength, his healing hand to heal my crushed heart and also to take my suitcases. I fell alseep with such a peace about everything. Its amazing how a small conversation with God can change your life or your perspective on life. I now reaslise that there is a bigger picture in this and I can answer the famous question at last, although it still is hard somedays. I really have felt and learnt what it is to let go and to wake up with a smile on my face cos your smile might be what somebody really needs to see. God will never let you tackle or go through a storm that is too big for you, he wants us to grow in him, he does not want us to stagnate in our faith...he tests us in all realtionships and aspects of life, but often we are to caught up with the hurt or the heat of the moment, that we don't see that its actually going to make us stronger and that God is not deliberatley hurting you, he wants us to trust him with all our hurt, anxieties and happiness.

Have a baggage and hurt free week!:)


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you." John 15:7

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Daddy's Girl...

Daddy's Poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone

But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats.

One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
for a man who wasn't there.

'Where's her daddy at?'
she heard a boy call out.
'She probably doesn't have one,'
another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
'Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day.'

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.

'My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

'Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart'.

With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.

'I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.

You see he was a policeman
and died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
and taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away.'
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.

And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.

'I know you're with me Daddy,'
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Spring is here...

How wonderful it is to see the blades of green grass sprouting, the flowers starting to bloom and blossom, the cloud formations in the blue blue sky, the rich orange and pink sunsets in the late afternoon, the cool breeze after a boiling hot day. Spring and Autumn are my favourite seasons of all time! "Seasons may change, winter to spring but I love you until the end of time." lyrics from onw of my favourite movies Moulin Rouge...

How can anyone say that there is no God, when we see his creation and the beauty of it every waking second, and how we are so blessed by it, how it can brighten up a day that has been filled with saddness and anger. Although I work in an office all day adn don't get to see much of the beautiful sunny day, Im still blessed that I can wake up to see the sun shining or trying to peep through the clouds and to watch the stars as they burn brightly in the dark night sky. I could spend hours just lying on the grass gazing into the blue sky and watch it turn from day to night and gaze upon the milloins of tiny fires that light the night sky...if only i could

Have a blessed day, may it be filled with fresh spring air and may you go out and look at God's beauty when you leave your house or work.

"Nevertheless he left not himself without witness, in that he did good, and gave us rain from heaven, and fruitful seasons, filling our hearts with food and gladness." Acts 14:17

"The sun has one kind of splendour, the moon another and the stars another, and star differs from star in splendour." 1 Corinthians 15:41